The boys in office were listing down the cars – high-end motors that’ll get anyone’s heart burning with desire. And then we whittled the list down to two. Sure I was excited too, but wasn’t completely comfortable with the turnout of the meeting somehow. Something was missing. So, two days later, I walked up to Dhruv and told him that we’d have a BMW in the cover feature too. He was surprised. We’d decided on two very nice, and unique, cars for this story – the Merc C63 AMG and CLS – and he wanted to know which BMW I could get a hold of that would match the three-pointed stars already confirmed?
“Not all BMW’s are cars,” I said, and he knew instantly what I’d done. Oh bugger!
Ever since I got back from Mumbai, after spending some time with the S1000RR, a couple of months ago, I’d been going on-and-on about the bike. And then, at a rider training session with BMW Motorrad’s professional rider, Curt, I rode the K1300S as well. That brief saddle time on the 1300 was enough to convince me that this would be a very special motorcycle – maybe even better than the Hayabusa.
I’m a total car nut, no doubt, but I’m also the one in the team who’s as much of a motorcycle buff too. And the fact there was a hardcore performance sedan in the lineup – the C63 AMG – made me call and fix up the motorcycle immediately. It was a purely impulsive act – perhaps even childish I agree. But, so what? Hitler was childish too. He’d play chess daily. And he played only the white pieces. Great, it’s all grown-up and intellectual stuff, you say. But what you don’t know is that he insisted on being allowed to replace one of his bishops with a second Queen. That’s like me playing cards, and deliberately pulling out the three aces to ensure a win.
I’d been riding the K1300S for a couple of days already before getting myself behind the wheel of the two cars. And during those long, late evening, rides, I’d often think not about the bike that I was riding, but something that was much worse – the K1200S from the 2004-05 days. I’d ridden one, and gosh it was nasty. I thought, at the time, that BMW were good only with cars and should avoid engineering anything with two wheels less. The fueling was all wrong, and the vibrations felt like you were duct-taped to a seat and thrown down the stairs. After all, superbikes are meant to do high speeds with supreme ease and stability. The 1200 would do high speeds too – only, it was as confident as a girl on a beach full of naked men.
Thankfully, BMW kept improving the bike – and it ultimately became the 1300S. The engine increased in capacity to 1,293cc, and an 8bhp increase made the spec sheet even more impressive. That wasn’t quite necessary though, as the 1200 was plenty fast anyway – but no one’s complaining! The technical changes weren’t just for the heck of it either. The shape of the combustion chamber was altered and cylinder head revised to alter gas flow characteristics. The new cam profiles and more sophisticated engine management system have made the engine stress-free, and the vibrations – well, there aren’t any. The key change, though, is that the engine feels a lot more eager than the 1200 – it’s got massive character. The K1300S has such sorted gearing that it feels like the most amazing sports cruiser out there – better even than Honda’s impressive VFR with its dual clutch wizardry. The engine characteristic is such, and the torque delivery so linear, that you can just leave the bike in top gear and cruise all day long without worrying about anything. And yet, all it takes is a little twist of the throttle to get the scenery flashing past at a rapid pace.
The 1300 is beautifully balanced. I rode it on both open highways and city roads, and the bike was easily at home in both settings. I hadn’t, however, encountered any twisty bits – that is, until we had an early morning start for photography. And the snaky roads en route to the location really brought out the superbike character of this sports-tourer. The handling is neutral, and though the 1300 is a big bike, it loves to corner hard. It’s an immensely satisfying machine, and that’s got much to do with the tech bits that BMW have thrown in, they say.
Now, I’ve got a technology handicap, and Norman Hossak isn’t my best friend. But he’s the guy who invented something that the design and engineering guys at Motorrad call the ‘Duolever’ suspension unit. Sure as hell, it sounds pathetically complicated with that name – but then they’re German. In plain simple English, what it basically means is that the forks are mounted in two unequal-length wishbones and controlled by a central shock absorber. Then, there’s the semi-integral ABS system that applies brake pressure on the rears too when pulling the lever for the front brake only – while the foot pedal operates the rear alone.
Such technical nonsense makes me scratch my head, and I – like most die-hards – lose interest. I’m not a Japanese fan-boy of cars who wants to talk about the diameter of the turbocharger. I’m no encyclopedia, nor do I know ‘all things motoring.’ I wouldn’t want to either – because it would make me boring at pubs. I’m a plain old guy –an enthusiast – who knows a bit and loves his motors. I’m a simplistic chap. And that’s why I love the C63 AMG. It’s a simple, honest-to-goodness sort of a car. Oh hell, I shouldn’t have said ‘car’ – it’s a devil!
I’ve never driven the BMW M3 – and that’s a regret any motoring hack will have. On things automotive, I take Dhruv’s word very seriously, and he’s had some experience with the M3. We were having a discussion about the cars that rival the C63 and – well, for you Audi lovers, the RS5 wasn’t even on the horizon, sorry – Dhruv has colossal respect for the M3. He says that it’s a razor-sharp track tool, but the limits are just too high. It’s so precise, and the limits are so monumental, that you would have to be a raving lunatic to get it to act naughty on the road. You’d have to be Montoya – and that’s not a very good thing, is it? That’s where the C63 makes a case for itself.
Three letters matter here – AMG. The C63 is what happens when you take a very unassuming sedan and give it some AMG treatment. The nucleus of any AMG is its engine, and the C63’s is… big. The lovely shining, hand-built, personally signed motor is 6.2 litres of V8 glory that breathes out 451 horsepower. Sure, it’s barely 37 more than its arch rival, the M3, but then you have 600Nm of torque. 600! As I see it, tyre bills would go up multifold if this monster were to be in our garage. And it’s clear that AMG guys aren’t great fans of Luciano Pavarotti, but they sure-as-hell are inspired by the rock-and-roll dudes of the 70’s and 80’s. They’re all about rumbling roars and deep, growling noises. As it happens, I’m a fan of such music. The C63 sounds – and I don’t quite have any other adjective to describe it – downright awesome. Even when you’re just driving sedately around the city, the engine’s hushed rumble (that’s an oxymoron, I know) is an unvarying signal that should you mess around with it, it’ll rip your face off. We turned heads – even of those who weren’t the least bit interested in cars – just by that sound.
And then, there’s the way this thing goes. 0 to 100 clicks in less than 5 seconds – yes, the K1300S would have it licked well-and-proper (0-100km/h in under 3 seconds after all) but the theatre of the C63 can’t be matched by anything. It’s naughty, it’s playful – switch off the traction control and it leaves a grin on your face that only Joker from the last Batman film can match. It leaves your armpits sweaty, and your lungs gasping for oxygen. The steering, surprisingly for a Mercedes, is extremely direct and even has a meaty feel to it. You know what the fronts are doing all the time, and that entices you to bury your right foot even deeper. The rear slides out, and your instinctive reaction is counter-steer. What you have then is a trail of white smoke in your rear-view mirror, and the beaming expression of a child. And that’s what a car of this caliber should do – bring out the child in you. The C63 does more than that in fact – it becomes a child along with you.
And, in stark contrast to that is the third machine we have here – the CLS. It’s a rich old fart, reading an autobiography in his modern apartment. Don’t get me wrong, the CLS may just be – I repeat, may just be – the most sensible car in the segment. Or maybe not – what with its shamelessly awkward clothing? The original CLS proved that luxo-barges could be style masters too. Then Porsche proved that they can’t, and Audi, in turn, proved once again that they can – with the A7. And this segment is catching on so well that BMW will soon be out with its style icon too, the 6 Series Gran Coupe. The CLS, though, spoils the case for itself with the way it looks because it’s just not cohesive. The front end is all brash and loud – to the extent of looking much like the SLS from some angles, which is a good thing – but the rear end looks like the designers stuck a whale’s face for the car’s gluteus maximus.
But, if you forgive its looks, the CLS does come across as a remarkable car. It’s no slouch either – the 350, with its 305 horsepower and 370Nm shifts rapidly – especially if you hit the ‘S’ button. But, the highlight for me was this car’s ride quality. The CLS just glides on the road – no, really, the air suspension (AIRMATIC) is truly that good! And the seats are so cosseting that you’d pay to have this car only for that. And while you may think that with the C63 and K1300S as company, the CLS would have been a complete washout – well, you’d be wrong. Sure, the brake feel was all but non-existent and the steering could have done with more feel to it (typical of a Merc). But, on the whole, it’s a phenomenal car. It’s more suited to open, wide highways and long sweeping curves rather than a racetrack of course, but that’s what makes it a great GT car.
The previous-gen CLS was a ramp model. That model’s now become a middle-aged single woman, desperately trying to get noticed by wearing makeup that isn’t required. That isn’t entirely cool – but she still remains fabulously talented once you get to know her. The BMW K1300S is Natascha McElhone of Ronin – straight-faced and lethal, yet seductively charming when she’s in the mood. But the C63 AMG is the unassuming wild child, like Princess Diana getting her navel pierced, and fitting a 2.8-carat diamond – sexy, naughty, outlandish, and oh-so-very tempting.
BMW K1300S
Engine 1,293cc / 4 cylinders / DOHC / 16 valves
Fuel Petrol
Transmission 6-Speed Manual
Power 175bhp @ 9250rpm
Torque 140Nm @ 8250rpm
Acceleration 0-100km/h – under 2.8 seconds
Price Rs.18.5 lakh (Ex-showroom)
Mercedes-Benz C63 AMG
Engine 6,208cc / V8 / 32 Valves
Fuel Petrol
Transmission 7-speed Automatic / Rear Wheel Drive
Power 451bhp @ 6800rpm
Torque 600Nm @ 5000rpm
Acceleration 0-100km/h – 4.5 seconds
Price Rs.69.90 lakhs (Ex-showroom)
Mercedes-Benz CLS 350
Engine 3,498cc / V6 / 24 Valves / Direct injection
Fuel Petrol
Transmission 7-speed Automatic / Rear Wheel Drive
Power 306bhp @ 6500rpm
Torque 370Nm @ 3500-5250rpm
Acceleration Rs.0-100km/h – 6.1 seconds
Price Rs.67.67 Lakhs (ex-showroom)
